Love, sex and interminable pop-culture references

TMI Tuesday: Bondage & Dwarfs

Oh look! Birdies!

I opened the door
The place was crawling with dwarfs
I said, “what is this, some kind of orgy?”
But she just smiled at me as she picked up a dwarf and greased him up
Then she started wanking off Dopey…

For want of content your perusal, I’m once again doing this meme. Yes, I too was slightly disturbed by the title of this one. I have, incidentally, once been in a production of Snow White and Several Dwarfs (we had eight), but I’m fairly sure that’s not what this is about.

My fiancée is fairly short; let’s go with that.

1. What is one thing your significant other could do to you to rock your world?

Sexually, or generally? This is one of those open questions, so I’m not sure how to answer that.

If we’re talking sex, then the thing that affects me the most is having my nipple sucked while I wank myself off. I like having sex, of course, but since that isn’t happening, this is as close as we’re going to get. Not that this has happened, either.

On a more chaste, but no less intimate, note, they could let me spoon them in bed. We used to do this all the time, but it doesn’t happen any more.

2. You have been granted the super power you always wanted. How will you abuse that power? Why?

I’ve always wanted to be able to fly. Ever since I was very young, that’s been one of my desires – as a child, I was obsessed with the concept of freedom. Being able to take off from the ground and go anywhere was a way of escape.

I’d abuse this power by going places. I’ve always wanted to visit Japan and probably never will, so that’s the first place I’d go. I’d also be able to visit all the people I know abroad, like my hairy friend in the USA and my cousin in Australia. I’d also do a few good deeds, like Moe at the end of The Homer They Fall.

Of course, I’d save a packet on commuting too.

3. For sexy play, would you rather be tied up or tie someone else up? Why?

As regular readers will know, bondage really isn’t my thing, although I have been talked into it.

On the few times that I have indulged, I’ve always been the one doing the tying up. I can’t stand being constrained – it does odd things to my brain – and, anyway, I don’t like pain, and the tight knots experienced practitioners use always look painful.

4. What is your best physical and non physical asset?

My best physical asset is, unequivocally and without doubt, my eyes. They’re a lovely shade of medium blue and shine ‘just so’ in the light. They even look pretty when I cry, which is a feat all on its own. I’m not happy with the rest of my body… but I have good eyes.

My best non-physical asset is probably my honest, unwavering heart.

5. Referring to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, if they were naming new dwarfs beyond the seven, what would your name be and why?

Trivia time! Disney had a long list of dwarf names before deciding on seven; he rejected a lot of alternate adjectives before making his choice.

I think I’d probably be “Pretentious”. You don’t really need to do much except reading my blog to see why.

1 Comment

  1. TMI Tuesday blog

    Awwww. “…honest, unwavering heart.”

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