On LiveJournal, LiveJournal
Makin’ fun of your friends behind their back
LiveJournal, LiveJournal
Chronicle your gerbil’s heart attack on LiveJournal
Oh boy, oh boy, oh (innocent lover)boy. This has been a really busy week so far and it’s only going to get busier. Bashing out a few blog posts was something on the back of my mind – say, one every day leading up to my wedding and one the day afterwards – but that may not be the most realisable thing. We shall see.
Anyway, here’s the meme I’m using in lieu of writing any real content. Today’s TMI Tuesday is almost entirely about online dating.
relationship
started here!
I’ll point out here that I haven’t actually done a lot of online dating. It is true that I have met all four girlfriends online, and even then it’s been via blogging rather than dating sites – LiveJournal, Blogger and WordPress are my dating sites. In a few days’ time I’m marrying someone I nominally met on Twitter.
But I have set up profiles on dating sites – mostly adult ones. I’ve also had a stab at some of the more conventional ones. Were I single now, I’d almost certainly be trying one of the hookup apps… but then, I’m not single, am I?
1. What is your go-to question to ask in online dating?
This is difficult, because I don’t like asking questions; I’m much better at answering them. That’s not just an excuse to talk about me, it’s just something I’m more comfortable doing!
I like popular culture, so sometimes I’ll ask a question in that direction. The French au pair I once met on a dating site wasn’t very forthcoming with conversation until I asked her if she had seen The King’s Speech. She hadn’t, but she liked Natalie Portman and wanted to see Black Swan.
In the end I went to see Black Swan on my own. She moved back to France shortly after this.
2. How old is the picture you use for your online dating profile?
Since I don’t have an active profile, I can’t really answer that fairly.
Here’s something fun. When I was about 25, I got a picture taken of me in which I looked perhaps my best ever. It wasn’t truly representative of what I actually look like, but I did look pretty good in it, so for a while I used it for everything – Facebook profile picture, MySpace avatar, LiveJournal icon, and, yes, dating site image.
On my about page is a digital recreation of that very picture – it’s the one I sent to Boots for reference. I even once tried to use that as my profile picture on FUCK.com (but they weren’t happy about that!).
So, yes, that was my dating site image.
3. What is your biggest dating pet peeve?
Ghosting. I can’t stand it.
I’ve been ghosted many, many times – by people I’m talking to online, people who I’ve arranged to meet and haven’t turned up, and of course I’ve been a jobseeker, so I’m used to potential leads just vanishing into the ether.
It probably isn’t too difficult to say something like, “I’m sorry, but I’ve found someone / I’m not interested / I’m too busy / You are about as attractive as a buffalo’s bum,” or maybe that is difficult (I’ve never turned someone down so I wouldn’t know!), but it’s much politer than to just leave someone hanging.
I tend to invest a lot in romance, and I put a lot of effort into this sort of thing, so to be casually cast aside without being told I was cast aside did a massive number on my self-confidence.
At one point in my life I was responsible for hiring. I wrote back to every single applicant, even if they were applying on-spec when there weren’t any vacancies. I felt like I should be able to do for them what I wish had been done for me.
4. What are your goals with online dating?
Yeah,
So.
On the few times I set up online dating profiles, I was really just looking for sex. Anything else would have been a bonus.
This was, once, relatively successful. The… whatever I had… with Alicia was the result of flirting on an adult dating site. We had great sex and shared good company with nice food. It was never going to be a long-term thing, but for what it was, this was a brief success story for me.
It also broke my years-long dry spell, so I was grateful to find that I still had the knack.
5. Have you ever slid into a stranger’s DMs? Did they respond?
“Slid” sounds wrong. I’m aware that “slid” is both the simple past and past participle of the verb “to slide”, but it sounds wrong. Mind you, so do “slad” and “slud”.
What was this question about again?
Oh, yes. I’ve never sent a DM to a stranger with some sort of ulterior motive, and never really to flirt, If I want to talk to someone I know on social media, I’ll follow them first, at least. If I’ve got a lot to say, e-mail is there for that purpose!
When I used to spent a lot of time on sexchat, I got a lot of unsolicited DMs (known as “PMs” or “queries” on IRC), mostly from angry, horny men who didn’t realise that I wasn’t a lady, since I had a fairly gender-neutral IRC handle and was both chatty and smart in the channels, which was usually a sign of someone not being a dude looking for cyber.
These I mainly ignored.
Bonus: Do you think a couple’s finances should be together or separate?
This question came up recently. I was aghast at the assumption that my fiancée and I had a joint account.
I’ve actually got three: my current account (which is always overdrawn), my savings account (empty), and a third account to pay rent and bills with (which is – as of today – also empty). My other half has two, although I’m not sure how much is in either of those.
We’re going to need money for our honeymoon. I’ll puzzle that one out later.
I genuinely don’t see the point of going through the rigmarole of setting up a shared bank account for two people earning different amounts of money at different times. Having separate accounts, where one of us bails the other out, has saved our lives at a few points.
Plus, I don’t think I’ll ever do it. My sister did it with her ex, and they broke up shortly afterwards. She lost a lot of money from that.
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! It’s such an exciting time and it goes by so fast, I hope you both enjoy every moment.
Bailing your partner out made me laugh too, mostly because that’s what hubby and I have always done. There was the £2.37 lunch and long walk home because what I thought was my last £2.37 was really the only £2.37 between us. We shared a bottle of Oasis and a KitKat alongside the McColl’s store before the long hike back to base – memories!
I won’t tell you who bailed him out on our engagement dinner either (but still said yes 😉 ). We always say that teamwork makes the dream work, and it sounds like you two are a team 😊
Oh man, McColl’s. I’m very aware of the brand.
Our bailouts have been bigger – notably for things like rent and being able to eat. Once, when we were living elsewhere, I was so deeply into my overdraft that the bank put a block on my card so I genuinely couldn’t get to work to earn any of the money that I needed! It was only due to their help that I was able to do either!
All my accounts are jointly held with my husband (except my retirement 401(k)). I manage the money, so I always know how much is in each account. If this was not the case, I’m not sure I’d like it. But as it is, it works for us. I don’t think it would necessarily work with any other partner — and I never had a joint account, or any desire to have one, with any of my other partners — but it has worked for us for 18 years.
I have no idea what 401(k) means. Someone’s going to have to explain that to me. 😛
If it works for you, then sure, go ahead with it. For the reasons above, it’s never something I’d consider. And I don’t have any other partners to think about, either. 😛
The internet seems to have “allowed” people to be impolite, and selfish.
“At one point in my life I was responsible for hiring.” Good on you! Common courtesy. Job hunting takes so much time, money and emotional energy. I am sure the applicants appreciated the notice.
5. Would you accept “slided” ROFL
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
(i) It shouldn’t be allowed, but I think the Internet makes it easier. I’ve been accused of being both – as have many people. 47 (my best friend) told me yesterday that he was always surprised at my having been both polite and patient with him online throughout the years. I try.
(ii) I also gave advice to people who walked in looking for a job. I once spent about ten minutes talking to a guy who I liked the look of, acutely aware that we were closing down and I was soon going to be out of a job myself. I gave him all the advice I could think of about the local businesses and wished him luck (luck is the main factor in jobseeking!). I wonder if he found anything that day. 😕
(iii) I looked it up! Apparently “slided” was once considered acceptable (Dickens uses it once in Dombey and Sons), but is now a non-standard use. After thinking about whether “slided his penis into her” worked better than “slid”, I decided that it genuinely didn’t matter. 😏