It’s dark in this corner. I can’t see much. There are people around, but it’s dark. And it’s getting late. I’ve had too much to drink, as usual, but since I don’t drink alcohol, it’s only really sugar that’s holding me up right now. Possibly also caffeine.

And she’s smiling at me.

Just kiss her, ILB.

I know what I could do. I could tell her that, if I did anything she was uncomfortable with, she could just tell me to stop. And besides, I’ve been kissing her for a while and she’s been reciprocating. It’s only a small step from a peck to a smooch, and from there to a snog. If she doesn’t want to kiss me, she wouldn’t be doing so.

My good angel appears on my shoulder and yells through the din into my ear.

Hold on, ILB. Yes, you certainly want to kiss her. But there are people around. You have friends here, and friends talk. There’s somebody over there who has a genuine crush on you. If you kissed someone else, it would hurt.

And if there’s one thing I don’t want to do, it’s hurt someone.

The problem is her. She’s so pretty. And she’s got this beautiful, full-beam smile and she’s shining it straight at me. The look in her eyes is almost playful, almost lustful. Just do it, ILB. Kiss her.

My bad angel pushes his way to the front of the crowd and shouts to anyone who will listen.

You may never see this girl again. And you’ve kissed other people. Your crush is over there. Why don’t you kiss her instead?

I mean, I probably could. But then I’m in a situation here and I’m not sure where this is going. Is it going anywhere? Do I want to know where it’s going? Am I just imagining this?

Oh, look at that smile.

You’re not meant to be kissing anyone, ILB.

And that’s a fair point. I’m really not meant to be kissing anyone. What I’ve been doing so far is playful. Anything more would be deeper – more serious. I can’t do that. I may want to, but I can’t.

Just kiss her, ILB.
Don’t do it, ILB.

What if she doesn’t want to kiss me?
What if I do, and she doesn’t like it?
What if I do, and I don’t like it?
What about everyone else?
What happens afterwards?
What if she doesn’t stay stop? What if she never says stop?

I’m not meant to be kissing anyone. The easiest thing is just… well… not to kiss her.

Just kiss her, ILB.

I don’t kiss her. I never do. I wonder, idly, if I will see her again. This time, I may have made up my mind.

I never see her again.