It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure.
marquis de sade
and
Some boys are sissies by nature but I was a sissy by conviction.
frank o’connor
I am, to use the common parlance, a wimp. I’ve never been quiet about that, or ashamed – it’s just who I am. I am incredibly sensitive, both mentally and physically: look for a soft spot, and you’ll find one all over. Any sort of stimulus is one I can feel, and at the correct time, the right sort of physical touch is all I need for a galaxy brain moment – get my right nipple in your mouth as I’m about to come, and I’ll most likely see through time.
But I don’t like pain very much.
Understatement of the century, right there. I can’t stand pain. Hypersensitivity isn’t a friend there, and although I’m always receptive to being touched (anywhere, by anyone) – back scratches, hair strokes, long cuddles, spooning despite what GOTN thinks – I can’t abide being hurt. It doesn’t do much for me, and it doesn’t help. It’s a distraction.
And it makes me cry. Some people find crying boys sexy. It’s not meant to be sexy.
Of course, this doesn’t mean I haven’t been hurt during sex. Alicia used to spank me very hard while I was on top. I’d howl with pain, which she interpreted as pleasure, but she seemed to be enjoying it, so I didn’t say anything. I almost died of dehydration giving the Seamstress head underneath a duvet (but kept going until she came, for… reasons). Catherine’s lack of restraint left a hand-shaped mark on my arse; energetic sex with Louise left my muscles sore; I even managed to injure myself once, during sex with Jilly, slamming my head against the wall (but that was an accident!).
I may not be aiming for pain during sex. But I’m no stranger to it. It just… happens. This is the sort of thing that happens to me. I’m expecting it, frankly.
I’m also not overly comfortable with delivering pain. I’m not a particularly violent boy, and even with the consent that’s necessary for any sort of sexual contact, I don’t really know how to do it. I’ll do a few (soft) spanks if she wants – I’m a percussionist, after all – and I’ve even wielded a vegan rubber-tipped flogger at some points. But this is, in every case, for her pleasure, and at her request. Given the choice, I prefer kisses as foreplay.
This extends outside of the bedroom, of course. Slaps in porn make me flinch. Crying babies make me nervous. I don’t like shouty teachers, or strict parents, or authoritative bosses. I had a massive panic attack once watching a fisherman kill a fish. Upset children are a specific weakness, too – mostly girls, in fact. I can’t emotionally deal with any of these things.
And I really don’t like pain.
I’m aware this may be painting me as the antithesis of so many of my fellows in the sex-positive community. But it’s for the reasons above that I don’t partake in BD/SM or hardcore porn. If I can live a softer, safer and more comfortable sex life, then I will… because, on the most basic of levels, it doesn’t hurt nearly as much.
Doesn’t mean I don’t fuck hard, though.
Hi ILB.
I’m new to your blog – we seem to be like minded gentle souls. We SNAGs have to stick together. Mind you, I’m sure you’re not quite as ‘innocent’ as your handle makes out.
Like you, I have a low tolerance for pain and don’t like inflicting either.
As for encouragement, I am much more into aural (as well as oral) encouragement these days. As for myself, I’m a a ‘quiet achiever’ which some ladies find a little disconcerting – they need feedback to reassure them that they are pleasing me. That’s something I have to work on.
I much prefer humour and laughter to bond like-minded souls. A rollicking laugh magnifies orgasm. To me, laughter trumps pain any day!
Hi, and thanks for commenting!
I’m not quite sure what a SNAG is. One of the acronyms that’s passed me by.
I like the idea of aural encouragement. Insofar as sounds are important (as they are), there’s also a lot to be said for lexical encouragement too – one of the sexiest things I can think of is the ability to describe (which is, I suppose, why sex blogs get written!). I’ve always been pretty quiet myself, although that doesn’t extend to the ladies I’ve had sex with – almost all of them have been relatively voluminous in their appreciation!
I’ve read in a few places that an orgasm which invokes laughter is the best kind. I’ve even written about it at some points. One has to love a good laugh, n’est-ce pas?