Love, sex and interminable pop-culture references

Category: Blogging

ILB’s meta-blogging posts. Blogging about blogging? How perverse!

QuoteQuest: Applause, please!

If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all: read a lot and write a lot.

Stephen king

and

I write for me, but I want you to read it too.

little switch bitch

and

I’d love to help the world and all its problems, but I’m an entertainer, and that’s all!

william shatner

I initially found this week’s QuoteQuest a little uninspiring, but LSB’s post opened up some interesting avenues. Which is, I suppose, what I’m trying to do too.

I’ve been reading for as long as I can remember (I started at fifteen months, so my family tells me) and writing for about as long. Stephen King’s quote above doesn’t serve so much as a reminder, but a description of my life, and even if I don’t have the time to read so much (or to write so much) I’m always composing in my head.

If a blog post comes out of it, then that’s a success. If not… well, it’s an idea. And and idea’s something.

I may blog now, but back in my teenage years, I kept a diary. Frustrated by the hoops I had to jump through in academia, writing my journal every night was the way I got my writing out. Unlike my friends who did the same thing, though, I would freely pass my diary around, letting people read everything I wrote. (I even read bits out to them, if they asked.) I applied the same logic to my LiveJournal, when I started that a few years later, and latterly to ILB.

Like LSB’s quote above, my writing is for me, but I want you to read it too.

I don’t really get the idea of writing which isn’t there to be read. That is, after all, what writing is for by design. One of the first things we are taught at children is how to read, and what’s the point in learning a skill if you’re not going to use it?

I write to entertain. I always have, even when I’m not meant to. My teachers didn’t like my unorthodox approach to every written assignment (but at least I made them laugh!); in the sixth form, my political and historical essays weren’t neutral enough (but at least I made them think!); at university, my tutors appreciated the effort but were often confused by the overabundance of sardonic wit (but, again, I made them laugh!).

[It’s a good thing I did a creative writing dissertation, as well, as I don’t think I could have hacked my way through yet another essay deconstructing the precious art form of literature…]

My aim, in writing, is to entertain. Whether or not that actually happens is immaterial; I write every word in the assumption that someone, at some point, will read it. Thirteen years ago, I started writing ILB with no idea that people would read – but I hoped they would – and they did. So I kept writing, kept the content going, and kept enjoying myself. I want people to read my words and have a good time doing so.

And that’s why I write.

*

Or to put it another way…

A year and a half ago I had a job interview for something I really wanted. I rehearsed, for want of a better word, the practical task and even some of the interview answers (although, in the end, I freewheeled my way through the interview… son of an actor, I can do that…), but forgot completely that there would be a written aspect of the interview process.

I was given a blank piece of ruled A4, a black biro and a printed question.
“Don’t worry about giving too many details,” the interviewer advised me. “This is just to see if your grasp of written English is sound.”
“Righty-ho,” I replied (yes, I genuinely said “righty-ho”). “But can I put details in if I want?”
“Do whatever you want,” she said cheerfully, “it’s your writing.”

The Hallelujah chorus rang out.

A page and a half of dry humour, parenthetical remarks and deliberate oxymorons later, and she came to collect it.
“This is… quite a lot longer than I was expecting,” she said, “but I look forward to reading it.” I thanked her, took my leave, and on the way out, I heard the telltale rustle of a page being turned, followed by short, sharp bursts of laughter.

And that’s why I write.

QuoteQuest

Top 100 Sex Blogs 2020

I held off from posting something today because I was waiting to post this. Is my excuse.

Anyway, here’s the list.

1 Little Switch Bitch @_LittleSwitchB
1 Super Smash Cache @supersmashcache
2 Sex, Love and Videotape @sexlovevideo
3 Love, Violet @fireandhoney
4 On Queer Street @OnQueerStreet
5 Mx Nillin @MxNillinLore
6 Girly Juice @girly_juice
7 Coffee and Kink @coffeeandkink
8 Focused and Filthy
9 Poly.Land @polydotland
10 Cara Sutra @thecarasutra
11 Kelvin Sparks @kelvinsparks_
12 Temperature’s Rising
13 Tabitha Rayne @TabithaErotica
14 The Beautiful Kind @TBK365
15 Naked Wanderings @nakedwanderings
16 Arousibility @Arousibility
17 Jayne Renault @jayne_renault
18 Climaximaal @electricluna
19 Miss Ruby Reviews @MissRubyReviews
20 Cara Thereon @thereon_cara
21 Rewriting the rules @megjohnbarker
22 Knkstriped @ZebraRoseSub
23 A to sub Bee @sub_bee
24 Exposing 40 @exposing40
25 Master’s Pleasing Bitch @MPBJulie
26 Tess Tesst @jay_tesst
27 Off the Cuffs @ocpkink
28 Joanne’s Reviews @joannesreviews
29 Princess Previews @PrincessPreview
30 Betty Butch @betty_butch
31 Pain as pleasure @bibulousone
32 E L Byrne Writer @ELByrne1
33 Chrisy Kay
34 Love is a Fetish @loveisafetish
35 Blue Submission @bluesubmission
36 Innocent Loverboy @innocentlb
37 Phallophile Reviews @PhallophileRev
38 Discovering Kink @dscoveringkink
39 Queer Courtesan @QueerCourtesan
40 Denying Thumper @thumperMN
41 The Artful Muse @Ms_muse_dreamer
42 The Gentle Domme @TheGentleDomme
43 Happy Come Lucky @ht_honey
44 Tall, Dark and Dominant @darkanddominant
45 Crippling Up Reviews
46 Vanilla Free Sex @vanillafreesex
47 A Leap of Faith @thebarefootsub
48 Objects De Plaisir @Objets2Plaisir
49 Francesca Demont @DemontFrancesca
50 Lillith Avir @Lillith_A
51 Accidental Masturbator
52 Still Searching for Prince Charming @SS4PC
53 Brigit Delaney’s @BrigitWrites
54 Down the Bunny Rabbit Hole @LuvbunnySL82
55 O Miss Pearl @OMissPearl
56 Anne Stagg @annestaggwrites
57 Witch Of The Wands @WitchofTheWands
58 Holden and Camille.com @h_and_c_dot_com/
59 Submissive Feminist @SubFeminist
60 Forbidden Writings @Charlton_Tod
61 Exhibit A @EA_unadorned
62 Dildo or Dildon’t @Makeupandsin
63 Pretty Pink Lotusbud @prttypnkltsbd
64 Rain De Grey @raindegrey
65 Modesty Ablaze @ablazingmodesty
66 Asrai Devin @asrai
67 Steeled Snake @Steeledsnake
68 Victoria Blisse @victoriablisse
69 Isabelle Lauren @RomanticIsa
70 Becoming Violet Grey @v_greyauthor
71 Nessbow
72 Deviant Succubus @DeviantSuccubus
73 Open Bobs BB openbobsbb
74 Lippenbekenntnisse
75 Queer Earthling @threatganglia00
76 Cleareyedgirl
77 Light in grey places @hope4greyplaces
78 A Kinky Autistic @kinkyAutistic
79 Krystal Minx @BisexualMinx
80 Hannah McKnight @HannahTGirlMN
81 Little Penny Berry
82 Miss D
83 Persephone Raya @kitten4_daddy
84 Femdom Ramblings from a submissive male
85 The Lustful Empress
86 Quenby Creatives @quenbycreatives
87 Breaking Away from Mononogamy @K_Ghislaine
88 Oz Bigdownunder OzBigdownunder
89 Lascivious Lucy Ashwood @LasciviousLucy
90 Tinted Blu @tintedblu
91 The Poets Kiss
92 Bambi Biohazard @BambiBiohazard
93 Jerusalem Mortimer: Between the Lines @JaimeMortimer
94 I have loved you a long time @The_Other_me_9
95 Megan Ward @megwardwrites
96 JenDragon @JenetalTorture
97 Alethea Hunt @aletheaalone
98 Sex, Life and Everything @sexlifeandevery
99 Raspberry Ripples

36, eh? Well, that’s not bad. It’s more then ten places higher than last year and, given the vagaries of the list itself, that’s a nice achievement… considering that I was seriously worried this year that I wouldn’t even get nominated, never mind making it on the list!

Like so many other bloggers, I’d like to thank Molly for taking on yet another Herculean task in compiling this beast.

Earlier this year I made the spur-of-the-moment decision to more to a new, self-hosted blog and write here, while keeping the old one open, integrating them as much as possible. I’d like to think I succeeded with that. This post also marks the point of 2020 Escape Velocity (ie. more posts written in 2020 than 2019), so there’s plenty to celebrate here. I also wrote some of my very favourite posts this year, and there’s still more to discover, as long as my photographic memory holds out!

I thought it might be fun to pimp the blogs I voted for that made the list, so here they are:

1. On Queer Street (#4) – I nominated this one for hir strong voice and sterling activism… and, in all honesty, I genuinely believed ze would be number one this year!
2. Coffee & Kink (#7) – I always knew this would be a top ten blog for reasons already expounded upon. Amy took the plunge this year and is now trying her and as a freelance writer, so… good for her.
3. Light in Grey Places (#77) – I couldn’t believe the fact that this made it onto the list, with only one nomination (mine) and being so unlike anything else… but, then again, it’s probably because it’s so different that makes it so good!
4. DTBRH (#54) – Knew this would make the list. Bunny has been taking on some more responsibilities recently, but I’d like her to know that this has been acknowledged!
5. Little Switch Bitch (joint #1) – Okay, having LSB in the top spot is a surprise… but a well-deserved one as well!

Honourable mentions go to my friends Blacksilk, Lady Pandorah, Charlie Powell, Cheeky Minx (of LHSC) and Rose Monrou – none of whom were eligible for the list (or even active at all!), but they’ll always get an acknowledgement from me!

What next for ILB? In all honesty, I’ve no idea. I have a few posts that I want to write, but I have nothing planned, and nothing drafted (I rarely, if ever, draft) – but I have a whole month to go before the end of the year, which marks year thirteen of ILB. Stay tuned to this channel for more of your usual vacuous nonsense.

And thank you for reading this far… if, indeed, you actually have.

Quote Quest: Work

This is the first time I’m taking part in Quote Quest – probably not the only time, and I’m late to the party, but nevertheless, it’s a start.

Wanking is only two letters away from working!

amy norton

The majority of the people who have taken part in this meme are sex bloggers who write about sex (…toys) for money. Realistically, I can see the link there. In Amy‘s case, that’s very much a thing – as it is with many others – and there are some handy guides, in the links you’ll find, if you want to wank for cash yourself. That’s a route so many go down, and they have my mad respec’.

But what about ILB?

When I started this blog, relatively few sex blogs existed, and those that did weren’t making money in the way that blogs do these days. Bloggers were making money were doing so from getting book deals, and although there were a few of those, a book deal is like gold dust. You may not even have the energy to write a whole book (and those that do have my mad respec’ tag heading tueir way too!).

I started my blog with the very specific aim of sharing my views on sex, curated after many years of being single and getting in touch with my sexuality. There wasn’t even the question of monetisation anywhere in my mind, and it took me quite a few months before I realised that people were starting to do it.

Thirteen years later and I still stand by my principles: this is a non-commercial blog, ergo:

I need to put this badge back
on my sidebar at some point.

No affiliates;
No sponsored posts;
No paid ads;
No paid-for links;
No paid reviews;
No commercial links.

I never have, and I never will.

Back to the quote itself: does I, as ILB, see what I do as work? If I’m not paid for it, more specifically, do I see this as work, compared to – say – my day job working with people, or my former side hustle editing Christian literature? Why am I going to spend two hours writing about soft porn if there’s no remuneration involved?

That’s a far more complicated question…

I will admit that when I started blogging I didn’t expect it to blow up. I wasn’t expecting hundreds of readers, I wasn’t expecting lasting friendships, and I certainly wasn’t expecting wave after wave of nascent sex bloggers – some who vanish after a strong start; some who struggle but stick it out; some who stick and become, if not a face, at least a voice of our sex-positive, sexually open generation.

The sex blogosphere, to the eager newbie or curious journo, can be quite a forbidding place. Inside there lies a network of genuine people, all of whom know each other by name and pour out mutual appreciation for the content we produce… by and for people who are genuinely passionate about our subject. On the outside, though, it is confusing: a sprawl of separate blogs by separate writers, all ostensibly coming from the same direction but approaching sex from multiple angles.

And then there’s the glut of paid content, affiliate links, ad banners, toy reviews with clicks that pay, and the reliance upon sponsorship for those brave enough to take the plunge and blog for money. Wade through this for a while and it’s easy to wonder if the medium has become devalued – content, previously free and easy, looks like something you have to mine for.

Lazy readers won’t have the patience to do that.

So what about ILB?

In response to the quote, then: no, I don’t see blogging as work. Or wanking. Or writing about sex. It may well be my favourite thing to do, but it’s not work.

The fact remains, however, that it is my favourite thing to do. I love sex and I love writing, and I love writing about sex. It’s been thirteen years (almost) and, every time, I thank Past ILB or starting this thing. I can’t imagine life without my blog, and the directions in which it’s taken me. It may not make me any money, but it does so much for me, and I hope that in reading my words, it does something for you too.

And while it isn’t work, it is something I put a lot of work into. A blog is nothing without content. Sometimes it flows freely; sometimes it needs a bit of a push. If I need to work to write ILB, then so be it.

But I’m doing it because I love it.

Your mileage may vary.

QuoteQuest

And now for the “awful self-promotion” bit…

October rolls around like the windy, leafy beast that it is, and that heralds both the arrival of terrible, laughable, but nevertheless necessary Hallowe’en nicknames on Twitter (mine is forthcoming…) and the nominations/voting processes of not one, but two lists of top sex bloggers.

I’ve never actually been on every edition of top sex blogger lists. There are two which total one hundred, and a few more from bloggers themselves which total…. well, less; I did one myself at one point… but I’ve never made any of those. The ones whose nominations opened yesterday are the ones I’ve managed to make, even at astronomically high ranks such as #97 (2009) and #47 (2019).

I also once made tenth in Kinkly‘s list of ‘top ten male sex bloggers’, possibly also ‘the ten male sex bloggers’. I put the badge on my sidebar anyway.

Anyway, the lists for you to take part in are:

1. Molly’s list.
This one was started by Rori Sweet back in the 2000s and adopted by Molly Moore once Rori retired from bloggerating (that’s a word now). I’m assured it’s a labour of love, although there’s probably a lot more labour than love actually employed here.
In any case, this always makes for a fascinating read. You don’t need to be a blogger to vote in this, either – just leave a comment on the post itself and you’re done.

2. Kinkly’s list.
This is the one I haven’t made too many times, but Kinkly (which is a commercial venture, so be warned) makes a HUGE deal out of it.
This year I actually updated my blog profile on Kinkly, mostly to reflect the new URL and all. To vote for a blog on Kinkly’s directory (which is, let’s admit it, vast – you need to use the search function to navigate it), you just click the button on their profile to show some love.

I’m not actually going to ask you to vote for me on either list if you don’t want to. If you do, then… great! Thanks, you’ve always been my favourite. It’s only a couple of clicks, after all, and it helps to swell my battered ego just a little.

And, of course, if you do find your way to a list nomination post and you have no idea who to vote for, “ILB” is only three letters, and it’s easy to remember

As I was saying…

Welcome (back) to Innocent Loverboy!

I’m not quite sure why I’m doing this, so bear with me. After twelve years of sex blogging, I’ve migrated from Blogger to this here space.

My old blog isn’t going anywhere – because of its huge amount of cyclical backlinks, embedded images and the like, I’m leaving it up and will continue to link to it. If you’re new here and have hours to kill, then have a look through it. I dare you.

The content here will be largely the same – flailing, disjointed nonsense, with a healthy amount of sex blended into the mix. As with everything else I’ve written, this isn’t really suitable for minors, so if you are under the age of 18, you probably shouldn’t be reading this.

Follow me on Twitter for more randomness that doesn’t make any sense.

– ILB