Love, sex and interminable pop-culture references

Category: Blogging (Page 1 of 2)

ILB’s meta-blogging posts. Blogging about blogging? How perverse!

Top 100 Sex Blogs 2022

It’s the beginning of December and, true to form, I’d completely forgotten about this. Fortunately, however, Molly didn’t, and there’s – once more – a list.

I had to wrestle with the code (for half an hour!) to post it properly here, but I think this should work…

1Focused and Filthy@FocusedFilthy
2Girly Juice@girly_juice
3Cara Sutra@thecarasutra
4The Big Gay Review@thebiggayreview
5Love, Emma@EmmaAus27418832
6A to sub Bee@sub_bee
7Princess Previews@PrincessPreview
8Kelvin Sparks@kelvinsparks_
9Pain as Pleasure@bibulousone
10Beyond Non-Binary@girlieboy69
11The Beautiful Kind@TBK365
12Coffee and Kink@coffeeandkink
13Miss Ruby Reviews@MissRubyReviews
14Exposing 40@exposing40
15Betty Butch@betty_butch
16Still Searching For Prince Charming@SS4PC
17Emma’s Story Corner@EmmaXStories
18Violet Fawkes@fireandhoney
19Master’s Pleasing Bitch@MPBjulie
20Tess Tesst@jay_tesst
21Temperature’s Rising
22Joanne’s Reviews@joannesreviews
23Innocent Loverboy@innocentlb
24Poppet Subslut
25Denying Thumper@thumperMN
26Sex and Psychology@JustinLehmiller
27O Miss Pearl@OMissPearl
28The Smut Report@smutreport
29Happy Come Lucky@ht_honey
30A Leap of Faith@thebarefootsub
31E. L. Byrne Writer@ELByrne1
32Kinky with a TwistFacebook
33A Faded Romantic’s Notebook@romdominant
34My Dissolute Life@nLikes
35Ready for Polyamory@lauracb88
36Queer Courtesan@queercourtesan
37Little Quean Piggy
38Tall, Dark and Dominant@darkanddominant
39Naked Wanderings@nakedwanderings
40The Gentle Domme@TheGentleDomme
41Kinky World@mistress_kay
42Lilith Likes to Watch@BWMTweet
43Pieces of Jade@piecesofjade
44Cocktails and Cocktalk
45Corrupting Mrs Jones@MrsJonesMT50
46My Wild Lens@mywildlens
47Maria Opens Up@MSM1647
48Holden and Camille@h_and_c_dot_com/
49Witch of the Wands@WitchofTheWands
50Queer Earthling@threatganglia00
51Modesty Ablaze@ablazingmodesty
52Victoria Blisse@victoriablisse
53Male Chastity Journal@TheCagedLion
54Lillith Avir@Lillith_A
55Evolving Your Man@EvolvingYourMan
56Butt Stuff
57Lucy Felthouse@cw1985
58August McLaughlin@augstmclaughlin
59Kay Jaybee@kay_jaybee
60Spices of Lust@spicesoflust
61Sexilicious Ash@sexiliciousash
62Dancer in Chains@Dancer_InChains
63Jerusalem Mortimer: Between the Lines
64David Mei
65Love is a Fetish@loveisafetish
66[This space left blank for display purposes]
67Love Letters to a Unicorn@AuntieVice
68Adult Exploration@We_Fear_Nothing
69Hannah McKnight@HannahTGirlMN
70Wind Whisperer@_WindWhisperer_
71Meghan Madness
72Miss D
73Loving My Disciplined Life
74No Pants Endurance@nopantsenduran2
75My Sex Life with Lola
76Breaking Away From Monogamy@K_Ghislaine
77Oz Bigdownunder@OzBigdownunder
78Olivia
79The Poet’s Love Letter
80Finding Strength in my Submission
81J R Vincente
82Wolfie Toons
83The Drew Duality@dualdrew
84Deltoya Toys@DeltoyaT
85Eros Blog@ErosBlogBacchus
86Tabula Erotica
87Mistress Lisa’s Femdom Diary
88Abigail Storm@EroticaStorm
89Femdom Think Tank
90SexBlogging.com@sexlifeandevery
91A German Brat
92F dot Leonora@fdotleonora
93Madam Mayhem@madam__mayhem
94Mistress Scarlet’s Blog
95The Sword@THEswordcom
96Morgan Destera
97Girl Spanking Stories
98Erotic Tales for the Visual Woman
99O and P Spanking Stories
100Anybody else
Pink button with the Chaturbate logo bigger than the actual thing it's promoting.
Did you know I’ve got a Chaturbate account? Well, I do!

Place 23 isn’t bad, especially considering how slack I’ve been with blogging this year (and the posts I’ve actually done have mostly been memes!). By no means am I going to make the top ten, but it’s seven higher than last year…

…for some reason. I’m satisfied with this, anyway.

My initial thought when reading through this list was something approximating “WHO THE FUCK ARE MOST OF THESE PEOPLE?!”. In fact, spooling through it again, there are less than thirty names that I recognise, and even fewer that I actually read! If you have a look on my blogroll, you’ll notice that quite a few of them are largely inactive, and a lot of those which are weren’t eligible for the list at time of nomination due to the rules!

But, then again, that is the nature of sex blogging. People come and people go, and while that’s sad, it’s always interesting to see some new voices. The fact that Molly managed to get a hundred (more or less) to populate this list stands testament to that.

ILB’s List?

As I think I’ve said elsewhere, I found it difficult to think of six blogs to nominate this year, since (at that point) a lot of the people I usually do nominate were either inactive, on hiatus, or hadn’t posted enough this year! For whatever reason, however, I thought them worthy of recognition. They are:

  1. Emma Austin from Love, Emma – This is a genuinely active blog, and there’s always something new to read. For that, Emma deserves props. I’m pleased she made the top ten.
  2. David from The Big Gay Review – David isn’t on this list and I’m not even sure if review-style blogs are eligible (but if that’s true, there are a lot of them here that shouldn’t be on the list either!), but I really like the way he writes.
  3. Ash from Sexilicious Ash – I wish she posted more (as I think I said last year!), but I always appreciate it when she does.
  4. Sweetness from Sweetness Blogs – Apparently she wasn’t eligible for nomination… but I did it anyway! I’ve recently come to appreciate Sweetness for what she does, and she’s a worthwhile follow on social media, too.
  5. Robyn from Robyn Eats Everything – One of my most recent discoveries and also one of my favourite people to chat to on Twitter, Robyn has only recently started, but I want to see where this is going! (Plus, I, too, eat a lot). I’m pleased she made it onto the “new voices” thingy.

And one wildcard:

  • Violet Fawkes from Violet Fawkes – Violet doesn’t post very much, but she’s chatty and friendly on social media, and when she does post, it’s usually something worth reading.

What’s next for ILB?

So what’s next for me? I’m genuinely not entirely sure about this. I’ve done 47 (heh) posts this year, and with 65 in 2021, I’m not going to be making escape velocity by the end of the month.

But, as usual, I do plan to have a few more things to write between now and the new year. I even – shock! – have some ideas about things to write, so there may even be some of those out (if I can get the time to do something more expansive)! I’ll definitely be posting in 2023, as well, as my blog appears to be one of the few constants in my day-to-day life… it’s always comforting to see it there!

Until the next post, then… and the next list!

Burnout

First of all, this isn’t an “I’m quitting blogging” post, so maybe it isn’t really abut burnout… but there’s still quite a bit to address, so here we go…

This year, so far, has been a lot. The first four months of the year, for what it’s worth, were characterised by two things: planning a wedding, and not having a job. As it turns out, planning a huge and expensive event (followed by a huge and expensive holiday) when you are literally living by virtue of the tiny amount the Tory government gives you (and occasional boosts by your parents) is actually quite stressful.

[It’s fine, by the way; everything is sorted, we are getting married in August as planned, there are only a few kinks remaining to be ironed out. I don’t know how to iron, but that will come in time.]

Just after Easter Monday a few weeks back I started my shiny new, permanent job, with a contract and sick pay and pensions and holidays and everything. Yes, I am stupidly excited by this; this is compounded by the fact that I have – since I was about 22 – wanted to work at this place. This was the fifth time I have applied, the second time I have interviewed, and I still managed to get the job despite having fallen in a huge patch of mud immediately beforehand, so clearly I was doing something right.

A few weeks before that I came around the idea that I genuinely need to self-care, which is something I’ve never been good at. I’ve been making… an attempt. I’ve cancelled the gym membership I never use (I used it five times before I had a job, but now…), I’ve sorted out the books I want to read, and I’m steadily working towards cleaning our flat, which is too much for one person, but I’m doing what I can. The other week I actually baked some cakes, which I used to do every week, but just… stopped doing for whatever reason.

Every day I’m trying to do at least one thing that I enjoy (going to work doesn’t count), whether it’s an hour playing the new Kirby game on the Switch, strumming my guitar until my one working arm hurts, or reading a chapter of the book I’ve got about the North Korean film industry. If I can do that, then I can regain some sense of self, and maybe I can work on myself a little more. Is the idea, anyway.

LiveJournal: because you can't masturbate all the time.
You really can’t.

So. I have a new job, which (despite kind hours which give me most of my afternoon) is physically exhausting – but I’ll get used to it, dammit! – and I’m planning a wedding, and I’m doing a lot of domestic duties in this here flat, and I’m trying my best to self-care by doing things I enjoy. The time I could otherwise spend blogging is now taken up by things like washing dishes and lying down; I am aware that both my mental and physical health are not at their greatest right now, and although I’d hazard a guess that I am “coping”, I’m not doing so very well, especially when it comes to time management.

Astute readers of this here blog may have realised that most of the posts I’ve done this year have been meme contributions. There’s nothing specifically wrong with that – I’ve been saying since my session at Eroticon 2017 that memes are an excellent resource for the uninspired blogger – but it does mean that the things I started this blog for, such as funny sexy memories or unsolicited love posts – have been rather thin on the ground by comparison. Even contributions to my own meme (which is what gets me most of my traffic) have become increasingly rare, and the only reason I’m able to write long posts like this is because I’m off sick with gastroenteritis.

I know what this sounds like; it’s like I’m about to say that I am suffering from extreme burnout and that blogging is going to fall by the wayside or I’m about to take on a hiatus without a fixed duration or embark on an art project that will take most of my time. Realistically, I’m not going to do either of those things. Looking at my life objectively, my blog is the thing of which I’m most proud, and I’m not going to let something like this go, specifically since I hardly ever feel proud of anything!

But please excuse the dearth of regular posts and the overabundance of memes. I want to create entertaining content, I really do, and I’m going to make an effort over the coming months. Time is not on my side right now, but while the flesh is weak, the spirit is still willing.

Having said that, if anyone could buy me a truckload of coffee, that would probably help.

TMI Tuesday: Writing

Why do you write like you’re running out of time?
Write day and night like you’re out of time?
Every day you fight like you’re running out of time
Keep on fighting in the meantime…

Attractive woman somehow able to read books while wearing very dark sunglasses.
I like books, and I like log cabins, so I ought to be in this picture.

I am a lazy blogger, but one of the things I like to turn out is a good meme.

Some of the memes I find difficult to write as I have little to no interest in the subject(s), but I have been trying to do this meme every week, even if sometimes I find the questions hard to spin out answers for. This one should be easy, though, since it’s about writing. I’ve written stuff.

1. When you need to get serious, good writing done, where do you go?

I do practically all my writing at my desk, so I don’t really have a place.

What I do have to have when I’m writing is an atmosphere – preferably a silent one. I don’t write well when there’s noise, and as a lexical person I can’t write alongside songs. If I want to have anything on, it would have to be classical music, but I prefer to write in a silent, calm room.

It also helps if I have a drink and/or snack with me. Usually tea, of course.

2. Where do you look for inspiration to write?

You can’t wait for inspiration… you have to go after it with a club.

A lot of my writing is based on things that have happened to (or, more commonly, around me). I’ve got a good long-term memory, which manifests in posts about things that happened in sixth form or thereabouts – which you will probably have noticed if you’ve been following my blog for any amount of time. So, if I’m really stuck, I’ll plumb the depths of my memory.

It doesn’t always happen like that. Every now and again I’ll come across something related to sex, love, dating, etc. and I’ll make a mental note: sometimes the best content comes out of nowhere!

3. If you could add anything to your office what would it be?

I don’t really have an office. I write in my living room, because that’s where my desk is.

I could benefit from:
– a much tidier room
– a clearer desk
– a repaired light (the bulb has blown)
– a clear side table

But I think I need to attend to all these myself; it’s not really something I can add!

I also need a remote for my DVD player. There’s only so much you can do with play and stop.

4. Are you an app calendar/planner kind of person, or do you still prefer a physical planner?

Raised eyebrow here at the use of the word “still”.

I am very much the kind of person that prefers something physical, and I am pretty much wedded to getting a new academic year diary every August. It’s comforting to be able to handwrite something in, it’s an easy reference, it doesn’t rely on battery life, and – apart from anything else – I can use it to log my wanks.

I’ve had a number of ‘phones that have a planner function – I’m using Android at the moment, which has a few built in, and the BlackBerry had a really good one – but I’ve never used one for anything more than morning alarms and “Doctor Who is on” reminders…

5. When you jot down notes, do you use pen and paper, or put it into an electronic device (eg. tablet, smartphone, etc.)?

As above, I much prefer pen (or pencil) and paper, and in fact I have a pot of random pens and a pad of Post-It notes for that very purpose.

Every now and again (because thanks, brain) I get an idea somewhere that isn’t practical – on the Tube, at a party, in the middle of a conversation at work – and I’ll have to resort to using my ‘phone. Even then, it will be nothing more than a couple of keywords, and I’ll still e-mail it to myself, so I’ll have a backup reminder.

It’s also cute that you think I jot down notes. I just open the compose window and go, you know that.

Bonus: March 15 is National Shoe World Day, a holiday that illuminates the need for quality footwear for millions of people around the world who go without. What quality pair of shoes would you pick to gift to someone?

It’s very difficult to buy shoes for me, because I’m a staunch vegetarian and don’t do leather (or silk, so I have to check fabric shoes as well). I have one pair of breathable rubber black loafers for work, one pair of multi-layer fabric trainers for the gym, and one worn pair of my favourite shoes – Converse All-Stars – for everyday wear.

Blue high-top casual footwear
I originally bought these because they’re not leather… and I’ve never looked back.

While I’m tempted to go with Converse for that reason, I realise this isn’t too practical as they are susceptible to rain, wear out quickly, and are tied by shoelaces, and not everyone can tie shoelaces. I’m finding it increasingly difficult to do so as my disability catches up with me.

What I would gift, then, is something practical, hard-wearing, easy to put on (slip-on loafers or fastened with Velcro) and – of course – vegan. Since my local branch of Shoe Zone recently closed down, it’s hard to find that sort of thing any more!

#FiveThings: Journal

First post of 2022 and it’s a meme. ILB, you predictable bastard.

In any case, this is my attempt at taking part in the new Five Things meme, with thanks to Julie from MPB for coming up with the concept. The prompt is “journals, diaries and planners.” I can do that, I’m sure.

When I was in my teens, before I stated blogging, I kept a journal. I wrote it, diligently – almost religiously – every single day. Occasionally my entry would be a couple of sentences (on two occasions I wrote “too tired to write”, read: “too lazy to write”), but more often than not, I managed to fill the whole page. So here ae five things about my handwritten journaling days.

1) My journal was written purely to entertain.

From the instant I started writing, I knew that the intent was for my journal to be read. Once it got out that I had a journal, I knew people would want to read it, and I knew that I liked to write. My aim wasn’t to keep secrets, nor was it to mention anything too explicit. I wanted my writing to be read and I kept that in mind.

2) Once it was read, it became wildly popular.

Maybe “wildly popular” is a little hyperbolic, but for a while, it was one of the few things any of us brought to read on residential trips, holidays, etc. – and I certainly took a few of them. Since I didn’t mind my journal being read (and it was written for that purpose), I was quite pleased to let it be passed around the group and let everyone read my words. (This may come as a shock to you, but some writers are self-obsessed, wanting people to actually read their content. I know: amazing, isn’t it?)

3) Other journallers were confused by my attitude.

Our year 9 History teacher once asked if any of us wrote a journal; three hands went up. His question was about reading – did any of us let anyone else read their diary? Both girls who had also raised their hands confessed to letting each other read (they were best friends who, at this point, lived together), but that it was private. I said, truthfully, that my journal was an open book (quite literally, heh…) and that I would willingly read bits out if people wanted me to. Neither girl understood this, but they both ended up reading it.

4) I wrote my journal with an incredibly specific style and structure.

This is something I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else ever do. Every journal entry had to have:

(i) A title – usually a pun, or a sentence, or a couple of key words… like a blog post does. This would range from “Xmas Day” (my very first entry) to things like “Venture On In!” (a Venturer day out) or “Droit du seigneur” (when we’d first done sex ed in school and I was amused by it). I did this accidentally at the beginning and liked it so much I carried on doing it for all three journals I managed to fill.

(ii) A quote of the day. This was something funny, clever or memorable that somebody had said throughout the day. My favourite was “I shall never make soap”, but that takes a bit of explanation to justify.

(iii) In later years, I’d add a statistic or fact (one that I knew; I was too lazy to look anything up) relevant to the day’s events. This went after the quote and was rarely a replacement for it…

(iv) …and/or a “moral learnt”, which was later still and only really appeared in “Journal III”, the final one. This was intended to provide a bit of humour – everything I write is meant to be humorous, really – but throughout the year it became more and more bitter and self-deprecating.

(v) Cross-posting appeal. My first diary was a little longer than my second, so I would write each entry twice: once in my first journal, and then again – word for word – in my second. Towards the end of my third, I started a LiveJournal, and when I didn’t have anything new to add for a journal entry, I would print out that day’s LJ entry and stick it on the page.

5) It wasn’t just a journal.

Because I’m… well… me, although my main intent was to write an entertaining, humorous, self-deprecating account of my life, my journal was used for more. Every now and again, snippets of fiction that I was working on, bits of a playscript (I finished the play, eventually, after photocopying journal pages), song lyrics I’d written, schematics for a droid I wanted, or emotional short-form poetry.

I started my journal when I was 14. At 16, I genuinely wasn’t sure who I was or what I wanted to be… but I was pretty certain that I could write anything I wanted. About anything. In any form.

So I did.

And I still do.

Five Things

Top 100 Sex Blogs 2021

Why won’t this work? AAAAAAARGH!!! Oh, there we go.

Typing is difficult when you’re sick. I mean, yes, everything is difficult – to a point – when one is sick, but I’ve been finding using my computer particularly hard, which is why I’ve been completely off work since Wednesday last week and written one single blog post in that time. Even in this paragraph, I’m doing the same thing: making an excuse for not blogging, justifying this through having COVID.

I mean, yeah, I have COVID, I’m excused.

This afternoon Molly put her list up, though, so I may as well share that here.

1 Mx Nillin @MxNillinLore
2 Smutathon @smutforacause
3 On Queer Street @OnQueerStreet
4 Coffee and Kink @coffeeandkink
5 Girly Juice @girly_juice
6 Focused and Filthy @FocusedFilthy
7 A to sub Bee @sub_bee
8 Cara Sutra @thecarasutra
9 Love, Emma @EmmaAus27418832
10 Violet Fawkes @fireandhoney
11 Obsession Rouge @ObsessionRouge
12 Kelvin Sparks @kelvinsparks_
13 Poly.Land @polydotland
14 The Beautiful Kind @TBK365
15 Naked Wanderings @nakedwanderings
16 Arousibility @Arousibility
17 Miss Ruby’s Reviews @MissRubyReviews
18 Rewriting the rules @megjohnbarker
19 KnkStriped @ZebraRoseSub
20 Exposing 40 @exposing40
21 Master’s Pleasing Bitch @MPBjulie
22 Tess tesst @jay_tesst
23 Temperature’s Rising
24 Joanne’s Reviews @joannesreviews
25 Princess Previews @PrincessPreview
26 Betty Butch @betty_butch
27 Love is a Fetish @loveisafetish
28 E. L. Byrne Writer @ELByrne1
29 Off the Cuffs @ocpkink
30 Innocent Loverboy @innocentlb
31 Happy Come Lucky @ht_honey
32 The Smut Report @smutreport
33 A Faded Romantic’s Notebook @romdominant
34 Denying Thumper @thumperMN
35 My Dissolute Life @nLikes
36 Ready for Polyamory @lauracb88
37 Nikki Nelson @NikkiNWrites
38 The Gentle Domme @TheGentleDomme
39 Kinky World @mistress_kay
40 O Miss Pearl @OMissPearl
41 Tall, Dark and Dominant @darkanddominant
42 Vanilla Free Sex @vanillafreesex
43 On her back @on_her_back
44 A Leap of Faith @thebarefootsub
45 Lillith Avir @Lillith_A
46 Maria Opens Up @MSM1647
47 Wind Whisperer @_WindWhisperer_
48 Still Searching For Prince Charming @SS4PC
49 Down the Bunny Rabbit Hole @luvbunnysl82
50 Witch of the Wands @WitchofTheWands
51 Holden and Camille.com @h_and_c_dot_com/
52 Submissive Feminist @SubFeminist
53 Rain De Grey @raindegrey
54 Asrai Devin @asrai
55 Modesty Ablaze @ablazingmodesty
56 Life of Violet @v_greyauthor
57 Victoria Blisse @victoriablisse
58 Love Letters to a Unicorn @AuntieVice
59 [This space left blank for display purposes]
60 Sexilicious Ash @sexiliciousash
61 Queer Earthling @threatganglia00
62 August McLaughlin @augstmclaughlin
63 Corrupting Mrs Jones
64 Meghan Madness
65 Adventures in Sexland @sexlandalice
66 Spices of Lust @spicesoflust
67 Cassandra
68 Hannah McKnight @HannahTGirlMN
69 Life in Grey Places @hope4greyplaces
70 Loving My Disciplined Life
71 The Joy as it Flies @BeStillMyBeaten
72 No Pants Endurance @nopantsenduran2
73 Tabula Erotica
74 Hoplessly Hopeless
75 Miss D
76 Nijntje & The Bear
77 Ouizzi @ouizzi
78 The Lustful Empress
79 The Poet Kiss
80 Finding Strength in my Submission
81 Lascivious Lucy Ashwood @LasciviousLucy
82 Kinky katie @KinkyKatie9
83 The Drew Duality @dualdrew
84 Bambi Biohazard @BambiBiohazard
85 Mr E and Lilly
86 I have loved you long time @The_Other_me_9
87 Megan Ward @megwardwrites
88 Mistress Lisa’s Femdom Diary
89 Breaking Away From Monogamy @K_Ghislaine
90 Jen Dragon
91 Citrus and Sex @citrusandsex
92 Sex, Life and Everything @sexlifeandevery
93 GemStrong63
94 Raspberry Ripples
95 Struggling Peter Pan
96 F dot Leonora @fdotleonora
97 Ruan Willows Erotica @RaunchyIs
98 Eros Blog @ErosBlogBacchus
99 Oh Larney!

30 is a surprise, insofar as it’s a higher position than last year and I have categorically been a worse blogger in the last twelve months. There were less people nominated this year, though, so I suppose that may have helped a little. I’m genuinely grateful for anyone who voted for me.

I would say more but I’m genuinely out of energy.


							
	

ILB History (part two)

…and continued from here.

At the end of 2010 I made a New Year’s Resolution to be more sexually adventurous, and with it, to have more sex. I’d kind of been taking steps in that direction anyway, starting to attend the CCK socials and such, but I felt like I needed to come out of my shell a little more.

Typically, the following day, the Seamstress ended our two-and-two-thirds-year relationship, thus throwing me back into the depression maelstrom I had worked so hard to get out of… and with no idea of any direction in which to go. In a kind of desperate flail, I started going to Spiritual Space, which gave me a little peace.

Fast forward to Autumn 2012 and I’d be in a similar situation with a different lifeline.

The rinse cycle

I wasn’t ready for a new relationship so soon after my second one ended, and although I soon after went on what could technically be termed a ‘date’, it didn’t really go anywhere. By the summer of 2011 I was in a relationship, but I still wasn’t ready, really. I still was having (and still do have dreams) about the Seamstress, and even though I was starting to do more things with what could loosely be termed ‘the community’, the cutieloveheartgirl wasn’t keen.

Which is an understatement. She was furious that I had started to go to Erotic Meet (nothing happened) and livid that I had Rose staying over for the night (nothing happened). In February 2012, I attended Eroticon for the first time, which was like an unforgivable sin. I’d just about managed to reconnect with my identity, and here she was, telling me that I shouldn’t be writing my sex blog any more. I genuinely didn’t know how to feel about it.

And so towards the end of the summer I found myself single once again and completely unsure of myself. Gone were the overpriced meals of the CCK socials and late night Jesus chat of Spiritual Space; my escape manifested in the dark gloomy corners of the Green Carnation with the miscreants that attended Erotic Meet.

The tenderness years

For the first few months I attended Erotic Meet, I was – although certainly very social – relatively chaste. Certain moments where I could’ve are still burned into my mind, and although I certainly got the chance a couple of times, I didn’t. I was still in a relationship, anyway, and even if it wasn’t a healthy one, I couldn’t just start cavorting with people I’d met at EM, no matter how hot they were.

Not cheating was difficult. I’m surprised to hear myself say that, as it’s genuinely something I’m very much against (since my first relationship ended that way), but while I was attending EM, I was also in a difficult, angry, sex-free relationship and, although there was still a lot of love there, we were both fairly sure that it was going to end at one point.

Someone (someone specific, but I won’t name her here) once told me that she would have sex with me that night if I was single, and asked if I was. I told her that I wasn’t and we couldn’t have sex… but, if I had lied, we would have done.

Starting a relationship with Jilly was probably the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. We were clearly attracted to each other, and had been building up a flirty friendship for all the time we had attended the same events, so when we actually started dating, it felt like the natural conclusion to what had been Agatha there all along.

And so I found myself in a fourth relationship, now with somebody who was completely accepting and aware of all sides of my identity…

To be continued…

ILB History (part one)

While there was a definite, complete and very sudden turning point in my sexual development in my youth, there’s something more significant that is also significantly harder to define.

I came up with the idea to start a sex blog where I get all my ideas – in the shower. I didn’t really have a name, or a concept, or anything I wanted to say that I was entirely sure hadn’t been said before, but I had just read Girl with a One-Track Mind and had managed to convince myself that I could do something similar. By the end of my shower, I had decided that “innocent loverboy” – something I had written on a list of Battle Royale characters to describe Hiroki Sugimura – was an appropriate enough sobriquet.

The rest could come later.

I almost didn’t start this. Halfway through signing up to Blogger, I thought it was a bad idea (and too much faff) and closed Firefox. A second later, I opened the browser again and started from the beginning.

That one second could have changed my life.

Imagine, for a moment, that I didn’t have that moment of decision and decided to keep the browser closed, letting my idea of starting a sex blog go and carrying on with my life as it was at the age of 22. Let that roll around in your head for a while. If you yourself write one of your own, what would it have been like without it? If you had your own spar of indecision and went along the other path?

I’ve heard people wonder aloud at how impactful something as simple as an online diary can actually be to a person, even its author – but then, they may not have experienced what I have. Blogging caused a seismic shift in my life which set me off on a completely new trajectory: something I never would have sensed, or dreamed of, the day before I wrote my first post.

After the beginning

I did wonder, at the beginning, if I would manage to get laid as a result of blogging. What I didn’t expect was three long-term relationships coming from the emergent community. Blogging did give me the confidence to approach people – the two that I did have sex with first off, snowdrop and Lilly, were from other sources – but the girlfriends that came afterwards were different. They were genuine and interesting. These were relationships – something I’d desired for so long – and they were real and adult and exciting.

Without my blog, I wouldn’t have been beguiled by gin-soaked kisses on Broad Street in the centre of Oxford. I wouldn’t have set foot in Yorkshire, never mind go for rambling walks in the Northern wilds with someone almost as tall as me. I almost certainly wouldn’t have ended up living with a queer Belgian. And I certainly, certainly, wouldn’t have had as much sex.

I’d like to think that I’m more sexually aware, although how much of that comes from the sex blogging community and how much from a cultural shift remains a mystery. I’m more aware of terminology concerning gender and sexual orientation and proclivities (I also now know what “proclivities” means) than I was when my only connection to sex was through IRC. I now enough to be able to teach others, which is exciting in its own way.

The fact remains that I have never had any sort of romantic or sexual interest from anyone who hasn’t read my blog since 2008. While there were certainly attractive people in the circles I travelled in – there still are – my involvement in those circles was beginning to erode. (While the youth camp in summer 2007 was the last time I saw some key players in my life up until that point, its end was like the termination of something. I retained my crush on Leaf for months afterwards, despite not having her in my life any more.)

I am aware, realistically, that I’m not a particularly attractive guy. Physically I’m not and have never been much to look at, and the amount of idiotic glossolalia that comes out of my mouth is astounding. At the very least, though, those who found something to be attracted to through my writing was – although confusing – something I was (and am) extremely grateful for.

The second step

While not without their issues, the real-life events that I was finally persuaded to go to – Erotic Meet and Eroticon shortly afterwards – were transformative, not only insofar as facilitating being able to meet, mingle and shoot the breeze with other sex bloggers (there has been such an explosion in the community since the fledgling days on 2007!), but also simply being able to introduce myself as “Innocent Loverboy” and actually have people recognise that name.

I didn’t start going earlier due to the fact that the cutieloveheartgirl I was with at the time was particularly resistant to the concept, although by that point she wasn’t happy with the fact that I still wrote a sex blog (despite being attracted by that in the first place). I went along anyway, while politely befuddled by the hectic anarchy of Erotic Meet and feeling gleefully adventurous on my way to the first Eroticon.

In the bathrooms at Telephone Avenue in Bristol, I paused for a while to look at myself in the mirror.

“I know who I am,” I said to myself. “I’m me…” (here I inserted my other IRL nickname) “…and I’m ILB, and I’m okay with that.”

This, for what it’s worth, was another turning point.

To be continued…

QuoteQuest: Applause, please!

If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all: read a lot and write a lot.

Stephen king

and

I write for me, but I want you to read it too.

little switch bitch

and

I’d love to help the world and all its problems, but I’m an entertainer, and that’s all!

william shatner

I initially found this week’s QuoteQuest a little uninspiring, but LSB’s post opened up some interesting avenues. Which is, I suppose, what I’m trying to do too.

I’ve been reading for as long as I can remember (I started at fifteen months, so my family tells me) and writing for about as long. Stephen King’s quote above doesn’t serve so much as a reminder, but a description of my life, and even if I don’t have the time to read so much (or to write so much) I’m always composing in my head.

If a blog post comes out of it, then that’s a success. If not… well, it’s an idea. And and idea’s something.

I may blog now, but back in my teenage years, I kept a diary. Frustrated by the hoops I had to jump through in academia, writing my journal every night was the way I got my writing out. Unlike my friends who did the same thing, though, I would freely pass my diary around, letting people read everything I wrote. (I even read bits out to them, if they asked.) I applied the same logic to my LiveJournal, when I started that a few years later, and latterly to ILB.

Like LSB’s quote above, my writing is for me, but I want you to read it too.

I don’t really get the idea of writing which isn’t there to be read. That is, after all, what writing is for by design. One of the first things we are taught at children is how to read, and what’s the point in learning a skill if you’re not going to use it?

I write to entertain. I always have, even when I’m not meant to. My teachers didn’t like my unorthodox approach to every written assignment (but at least I made them laugh!); in the sixth form, my political and historical essays weren’t neutral enough (but at least I made them think!); at university, my tutors appreciated the effort but were often confused by the overabundance of sardonic wit (but, again, I made them laugh!).

[It’s a good thing I did a creative writing dissertation, as well, as I don’t think I could have hacked my way through yet another essay deconstructing the precious art form of literature…]

My aim, in writing, is to entertain. Whether or not that actually happens is immaterial; I write every word in the assumption that someone, at some point, will read it. Thirteen years ago, I started writing ILB with no idea that people would read – but I hoped they would – and they did. So I kept writing, kept the content going, and kept enjoying myself. I want people to read my words and have a good time doing so.

And that’s why I write.

*

Or to put it another way…

A year and a half ago I had a job interview for something I really wanted. I rehearsed, for want of a better word, the practical task and even some of the interview answers (although, in the end, I freewheeled my way through the interview… son of an actor, I can do that…), but forgot completely that there would be a written aspect of the interview process.

I was given a blank piece of ruled A4, a black biro and a printed question.
“Don’t worry about giving too many details,” the interviewer advised me. “This is just to see if your grasp of written English is sound.”
“Righty-ho,” I replied (yes, I genuinely said “righty-ho”). “But can I put details in if I want?”
“Do whatever you want,” she said cheerfully, “it’s your writing.”

The Hallelujah chorus rang out.

A page and a half of dry humour, parenthetical remarks and deliberate oxymorons later, and she came to collect it.
“This is… quite a lot longer than I was expecting,” she said, “but I look forward to reading it.” I thanked her, took my leave, and on the way out, I heard the telltale rustle of a page being turned, followed by short, sharp bursts of laughter.

And that’s why I write.

QuoteQuest

Top 100 Sex Blogs 2020

I held off from posting something today because I was waiting to post this. Is my excuse.

Anyway, here’s the list.

1 Little Switch Bitch @_LittleSwitchB
1 Super Smash Cache @supersmashcache
2 Sex, Love and Videotape @sexlovevideo
3 Love, Violet @fireandhoney
4 On Queer Street @OnQueerStreet
5 Mx Nillin @MxNillinLore
6 Girly Juice @girly_juice
7 Coffee and Kink @coffeeandkink
8 Focused and Filthy
9 Poly.Land @polydotland
10 Cara Sutra @thecarasutra
11 Kelvin Sparks @kelvinsparks_
12 Temperature’s Rising
13 Tabitha Rayne @TabithaErotica
14 The Beautiful Kind @TBK365
15 Naked Wanderings @nakedwanderings
16 Arousibility @Arousibility
17 Jayne Renault @jayne_renault
18 Climaximaal @electricluna
19 Miss Ruby Reviews @MissRubyReviews
20 Cara Thereon @thereon_cara
21 Rewriting the rules @megjohnbarker
22 Knkstriped @ZebraRoseSub
23 A to sub Bee @sub_bee
24 Exposing 40 @exposing40
25 Master’s Pleasing Bitch @MPBJulie
26 Tess Tesst @jay_tesst
27 Off the Cuffs @ocpkink
28 Joanne’s Reviews @joannesreviews
29 Princess Previews @PrincessPreview
30 Betty Butch @betty_butch
31 Pain as pleasure @bibulousone
32 E L Byrne Writer @ELByrne1
33 Chrisy Kay
34 Love is a Fetish @loveisafetish
35 Blue Submission @bluesubmission
36 Innocent Loverboy @innocentlb
37 Phallophile Reviews @PhallophileRev
38 Discovering Kink @dscoveringkink
39 Queer Courtesan @QueerCourtesan
40 Denying Thumper @thumperMN
41 The Artful Muse @Ms_muse_dreamer
42 The Gentle Domme @TheGentleDomme
43 Happy Come Lucky @ht_honey
44 Tall, Dark and Dominant @darkanddominant
45 Crippling Up Reviews
46 Vanilla Free Sex @vanillafreesex
47 A Leap of Faith @thebarefootsub
48 Objects De Plaisir @Objets2Plaisir
49 Francesca Demont @DemontFrancesca
50 Lillith Avir @Lillith_A
51 Accidental Masturbator
52 Still Searching for Prince Charming @SS4PC
53 Brigit Delaney’s @BrigitWrites
54 Down the Bunny Rabbit Hole @LuvbunnySL82
55 O Miss Pearl @OMissPearl
56 Anne Stagg @annestaggwrites
57 Witch Of The Wands @WitchofTheWands
58 Holden and Camille.com @h_and_c_dot_com/
59 Submissive Feminist @SubFeminist
60 Forbidden Writings @Charlton_Tod
61 Exhibit A @EA_unadorned
62 Dildo or Dildon’t @Makeupandsin
63 Pretty Pink Lotusbud @prttypnkltsbd
64 Rain De Grey @raindegrey
65 Modesty Ablaze @ablazingmodesty
66 Asrai Devin @asrai
67 Steeled Snake @Steeledsnake
68 Victoria Blisse @victoriablisse
69 Isabelle Lauren @RomanticIsa
70 Becoming Violet Grey @v_greyauthor
71 Nessbow
72 Deviant Succubus @DeviantSuccubus
73 Open Bobs BB openbobsbb
74 Lippenbekenntnisse
75 Queer Earthling @threatganglia00
76 Cleareyedgirl
77 Light in grey places @hope4greyplaces
78 A Kinky Autistic @kinkyAutistic
79 Krystal Minx @BisexualMinx
80 Hannah McKnight @HannahTGirlMN
81 Little Penny Berry
82 Miss D
83 Persephone Raya @kitten4_daddy
84 Femdom Ramblings from a submissive male
85 The Lustful Empress
86 Quenby Creatives @quenbycreatives
87 Breaking Away from Mononogamy @K_Ghislaine
88 Oz Bigdownunder OzBigdownunder
89 Lascivious Lucy Ashwood @LasciviousLucy
90 Tinted Blu @tintedblu
91 The Poets Kiss
92 Bambi Biohazard @BambiBiohazard
93 Jerusalem Mortimer: Between the Lines @JaimeMortimer
94 I have loved you a long time @The_Other_me_9
95 Megan Ward @megwardwrites
96 JenDragon @JenetalTorture
97 Alethea Hunt @aletheaalone
98 Sex, Life and Everything @sexlifeandevery
99 Raspberry Ripples

36, eh? Well, that’s not bad. It’s more then ten places higher than last year and, given the vagaries of the list itself, that’s a nice achievement… considering that I was seriously worried this year that I wouldn’t even get nominated, never mind making it on the list!

Like so many other bloggers, I’d like to thank Molly for taking on yet another Herculean task in compiling this beast.

Earlier this year I made the spur-of-the-moment decision to more to a new, self-hosted blog and write here, while keeping the old one open, integrating them as much as possible. I’d like to think I succeeded with that. This post also marks the point of 2020 Escape Velocity (ie. more posts written in 2020 than 2019), so there’s plenty to celebrate here. I also wrote some of my very favourite posts this year, and there’s still more to discover, as long as my photographic memory holds out!

I thought it might be fun to pimp the blogs I voted for that made the list, so here they are:

1. On Queer Street (#4) – I nominated this one for hir strong voice and sterling activism… and, in all honesty, I genuinely believed ze would be number one this year!
2. Coffee & Kink (#7) – I always knew this would be a top ten blog for reasons already expounded upon. Amy took the plunge this year and is now trying her and as a freelance writer, so… good for her.
3. Light in Grey Places (#77) – I couldn’t believe the fact that this made it onto the list, with only one nomination (mine) and being so unlike anything else… but, then again, it’s probably because it’s so different that makes it so good!
4. DTBRH (#54) – Knew this would make the list. Bunny has been taking on some more responsibilities recently, but I’d like her to know that this has been acknowledged!
5. Little Switch Bitch (joint #1) – Okay, having LSB in the top spot is a surprise… but a well-deserved one as well!

Honourable mentions go to my friends Blacksilk, Lady Pandorah, Charlie Powell, Cheeky Minx (of LHSC) and Rose Monrou – none of whom were eligible for the list (or even active at all!), but they’ll always get an acknowledgement from me!

What next for ILB? In all honesty, I’ve no idea. I have a few posts that I want to write, but I have nothing planned, and nothing drafted (I rarely, if ever, draft) – but I have a whole month to go before the end of the year, which marks year thirteen of ILB. Stay tuned to this channel for more of your usual vacuous nonsense.

And thank you for reading this far… if, indeed, you actually have.

Quote Quest: Work

This is the first time I’m taking part in Quote Quest – probably not the only time, and I’m late to the party, but nevertheless, it’s a start.

Wanking is only two letters away from working!

amy norton

The majority of the people who have taken part in this meme are sex bloggers who write about sex (…toys) for money. Realistically, I can see the link there. In Amy‘s case, that’s very much a thing – as it is with many others – and there are some handy guides, in the links you’ll find, if you want to wank for cash yourself. That’s a route so many go down, and they have my mad respec’.

But what about ILB?

When I started this blog, relatively few sex blogs existed, and those that did weren’t making money in the way that blogs do these days. Bloggers were making money were doing so from getting book deals, and although there were a few of those, a book deal is like gold dust. You may not even have the energy to write a whole book (and those that do have my mad respec’ tag heading tueir way too!).

I started my blog with the very specific aim of sharing my views on sex, curated after many years of being single and getting in touch with my sexuality. There wasn’t even the question of monetisation anywhere in my mind, and it took me quite a few months before I realised that people were starting to do it.

Thirteen years later and I still stand by my principles: this is a non-commercial blog, ergo:

I need to put this badge back
on my sidebar at some point.

No affiliates;
No sponsored posts;
No paid ads;
No paid-for links;
No paid reviews;
No commercial links.

I never have, and I never will.

Back to the quote itself: does I, as ILB, see what I do as work? If I’m not paid for it, more specifically, do I see this as work, compared to – say – my day job working with people, or my former side hustle editing Christian literature? Why am I going to spend two hours writing about soft porn if there’s no remuneration involved?

That’s a far more complicated question…

I will admit that when I started blogging I didn’t expect it to blow up. I wasn’t expecting hundreds of readers, I wasn’t expecting lasting friendships, and I certainly wasn’t expecting wave after wave of nascent sex bloggers – some who vanish after a strong start; some who struggle but stick it out; some who stick and become, if not a face, at least a voice of our sex-positive, sexually open generation.

The sex blogosphere, to the eager newbie or curious journo, can be quite a forbidding place. Inside there lies a network of genuine people, all of whom know each other by name and pour out mutual appreciation for the content we produce… by and for people who are genuinely passionate about our subject. On the outside, though, it is confusing: a sprawl of separate blogs by separate writers, all ostensibly coming from the same direction but approaching sex from multiple angles.

And then there’s the glut of paid content, affiliate links, ad banners, toy reviews with clicks that pay, and the reliance upon sponsorship for those brave enough to take the plunge and blog for money. Wade through this for a while and it’s easy to wonder if the medium has become devalued – content, previously free and easy, looks like something you have to mine for.

Lazy readers won’t have the patience to do that.

So what about ILB?

In response to the quote, then: no, I don’t see blogging as work. Or wanking. Or writing about sex. It may well be my favourite thing to do, but it’s not work.

The fact remains, however, that it is my favourite thing to do. I love sex and I love writing, and I love writing about sex. It’s been thirteen years (almost) and, every time, I thank Past ILB or starting this thing. I can’t imagine life without my blog, and the directions in which it’s taken me. It may not make me any money, but it does so much for me, and I hope that in reading my words, it does something for you too.

And while it isn’t work, it is something I put a lot of work into. A blog is nothing without content. Sometimes it flows freely; sometimes it needs a bit of a push. If I need to work to write ILB, then so be it.

But I’m doing it because I love it.

Your mileage may vary.

QuoteQuest
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