Ding ding. Ding ding.

I picked up my Nokia 3310 and opened the Messages menu to see the name of the pretty blonde I used to talk to. Her messages were usually teasing without going to the point of being ribald – having only physically met her once, I had no idea exactly how far she would go in the flesh. From the impression I got, it was pretty far.

I’m sure we all went that far in the end. But she was an early bloomer.

is it true that
when you’re
horny about me
your phone locks

That was all it said. I pressed the button to scroll down to check if there was any more to the message. Of course the screen didn’t move one iota. Maybe it would move up. Nope, no movement there either.

I went into an immediate and very brief blind panic. My ‘phone may have broken. There was no way I would be able to afford a new one – the things were expensive. I’d inherited this one from my sister. What would I do without it? I’d never be able to text people. Not that I texted many people, but I had pretty blonde friends who sent me things like this. It was almost like my ‘phone was locked.

…oh.

…oh!

…OH!

The last horse crossed the finish line before I texted her back.

Got me! That’s hilarious!

It was, at least, better than the ASCII art of blowjobs that another, slightly grosser female friend used to send me.

just sending something funny to my friends. but good to see ur horny about me πŸ˜‰

I mean, I hadn’t been horny about her… up until that point. But I’d made up my mind to keep that text – it was a clever trick, however it worked. I would send it to Esque at one point, who would be similarly amused.

But I was particularly restless for the remainder of the night.