“Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” thought Alice, “but a grin without a cat! It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!”
I awoke this morning with the most curious sensation.
I wasn’t horny – not exactly, at least. There was certainly a sexual air about the way I felt, but I wouldn’t describe myself as aroused. A few seconds of concentration with my eyes closed and I could identify the telltale beat from my crotch, but that was nothing unusual. I was hard, but I didn’t want to have sex. So what was this?
Curiouser and curiouser.
I cast around for the most identifiable feeling, and after flicking through the multiverse of combinations, alighted upon one. There was a trace of that sensation you get just after you’ve had sex – the kind of well-fucked, feeling-everything aura, except without the waves of calm that usually break over you (or even the occasional nausea or ravenous hunger that present themselves!).
Just a vague, untraceable feeling. Not unpleasant. Not euphoric. Sex without sex, pleasure without pleasure.
My fiancée’s voice, saying that they were going to the shop around the corner, jolted me from my rêverie. Suddenly aware of the world around me, I indicated my understanding, and lay there for a short while after they left, picking my way through my body. How had I been feeling? What was it, and did I even want it back?
I scrambled up and stretched out as best I can (which caused my erection to throb – stretching always does), and stood there in my room, naked, for just a few seconds longer.
What do I do now? I thought, as I began to pad my way towards the bathroom and considering coffee.
And so my day began, my unsteady gait carrying me through life, with that unknown, unexplained, unidentifiable curious feeling of potential floating along in my wake.