First of all, this isn’t an “I’m quitting blogging” post, so maybe it isn’t really abut burnout… but there’s still quite a bit to address, so here we go…
This year, so far, has been a lot. The first four months of the year, for what it’s worth, were characterised by two things: planning a wedding, and not having a job. As it turns out, planning a huge and expensive event (followed by a huge and expensive holiday) when you are literally living by virtue of the tiny amount the Tory government gives you (and occasional boosts by your parents) is actually quite stressful.
[It’s fine, by the way; everything is sorted, we are getting married in August as planned, there are only a few kinks remaining to be ironed out. I don’t know how to iron, but that will come in time.]
Just after Easter Monday a few weeks back I started my shiny new, permanent job, with a contract and sick pay and pensions and holidays and everything. Yes, I am stupidly excited by this; this is compounded by the fact that I have – since I was about 22 – wanted to work at this place. This was the fifth time I have applied, the second time I have interviewed, and I still managed to get the job despite having fallen in a huge patch of mud immediately beforehand, so clearly I was doing something right.
A few weeks before that I came around the idea that I genuinely need to self-care, which is something I’ve never been good at. I’ve been making… an attempt. I’ve cancelled the gym membership I never use (I used it five times before I had a job, but now…), I’ve sorted out the books I want to read, and I’m steadily working towards cleaning our flat, which is too much for one person, but I’m doing what I can. The other week I actually baked some cakes, which I used to do every week, but just… stopped doing for whatever reason.
Every day I’m trying to do at least one thing that I enjoy (going to work doesn’t count), whether it’s an hour playing the new Kirby game on the Switch, strumming my guitar until my one working arm hurts, or reading a chapter of the book I’ve got about the North Korean film industry. If I can do that, then I can regain some sense of self, and maybe I can work on myself a little more. Is the idea, anyway.
So. I have a new job, which (despite kind hours which give me most of my afternoon) is physically exhausting – but I’ll get used to it, dammit! – and I’m planning a wedding, and I’m doing a lot of domestic duties in this here flat, and I’m trying my best to self-care by doing things I enjoy. The time I could otherwise spend blogging is now taken up by things like washing dishes and lying down; I am aware that both my mental and physical health are not at their greatest right now, and although I’d hazard a guess that I am “coping”, I’m not doing so very well, especially when it comes to time management.
Astute readers of this here blog may have realised that most of the posts I’ve done this year have been meme contributions. There’s nothing specifically wrong with that – I’ve been saying since my session at Eroticon 2017 that memes are an excellent resource for the uninspired blogger – but it does mean that the things I started this blog for, such as funny sexy memories or unsolicited love posts – have been rather thin on the ground by comparison. Even contributions to my own meme (which is what gets me most of my traffic) have become increasingly rare, and the only reason I’m able to write long posts like this is because I’m off sick with gastroenteritis.
I know what this sounds like; it’s like I’m about to say that I am suffering from extreme burnout and that blogging is going to fall by the wayside or I’m about to take on a hiatus without a fixed duration or embark on an art project that will take most of my time. Realistically, I’m not going to do either of those things. Looking at my life objectively, my blog is the thing of which I’m most proud, and I’m not going to let something like this go, specifically since I hardly ever feel proud of anything!
But please excuse the dearth of regular posts and the overabundance of memes. I want to create entertaining content, I really do, and I’m going to make an effort over the coming months. Time is not on my side right now, but while the flesh is weak, the spirit is still willing.
Having said that, if anyone could buy me a truckload of coffee, that would probably help.