Everyone I know appears to have had a bad year in 2022, except for me. I’m not going to pretend that all of it was brilliant, of course – I’m not a maniac – but I did, in fact, have a relatively positive year. For me, that’s a major thing.
My blog has been one of the constants in my life, again… although this year I’ve mostly been doing memes. Whether it’s TMI Tuesday, Five Things, or even the occasional Soft Porn Sunday, I’ve just found memes to be a handy content generator. I may have had an okay year, but it’s been a busy one. Memes have helped my blog grow, although my favourite posts have always been the funny ones about my past.
This year I even wrote a compilation thereof, so, er, you’re welcome?
The Year
I had quite a confusing Spring, what with constant periods of unemployment and a pending wedding that I wasn’t entirely sure I could pay for. I did, however, get a job I really wanted, so April through to July were good months for me – even during the heatwave. July gave me a stag party thingy which was an excellent day.
Summer consisted mostly of wedding shenanigans, honeymoon wandering and then a few weeks of lazy vegetation. Autumn was a bit of an anticlimax following the action-packed first eight months, and maybe I’m still sleeping them off, judging by how little I did over Christmas!
I’ve spent the last few days trying to get over my cold (…if it’s a cold!). That’s pretty much it, so maybe there’s something more interesting to talk about.
The Orgasms
This’ll do. In 2021 I has 131 orgasms (more than I had anticipated). This year I had long periods of not being able to touch myself, but also some periods where I had many days to myself, in which I did it every day. My sexual desire has been all over the place, so maybe my New Year’s resolution should be about centering myself and realising where my sexual energy is best focused.
Fortunately, in the lack of the ability to do this, I kept a record….
117β the number of orgasms Iβve had this year (as denoted by a β in my WHSmith mid-year diary)
That’s less than last year. I am still pleased that I cracked the hundred mark, though.
32.05%Β β the number of orgasms in a year, compared to the number of days in a year, expressed as a percentage
Slightly less than a third. That’s an awful lot of time with my dick in my hand… but still a little disappointing, for some reason!
And the rest?
Usually I’d do these in categories, but I’ve changed up what I’ve written so much this year that I thought it would be desperate fun to go through this…
! (11/1, 31/2, 16/3, 17/4, 26/4, 9/7, 11/7, 12/12) – these are the days on which I had particularly powerful orgasms, for whatever reason.
x2 (21/2, 1/3, 13/4, 27/7) – days on which I had more than one orgasm! In my early twenties, I’d have done this every day!
Leana! (5 occurrences, maybe more) – orgasms had while watching videos of porn starlet Leana Lovings. I’m not a big fan of hardcore, as you should know… but I do like Leana!
Nice. (16/3) – I remember this one! It was a very pleasant experience all the way through, and a relief I needed after a difficult day. The same could also be applied to Blissful! π (23/8), for similar reasons (although I was hyped up on anaesthetic from the dentist at this point, so maybe…!).
Plentiful! (26/4) and Quite a lot. (31/8) – You don’t need a hint for this… just use your imagination!
π (24/10) – a disappointing orgasm: too much effort for too little reward (and, if memory serves me right, I didn’t even finish the orgasm; it just stopped randomly). Fortunately there was only one of those this year!
Boing! (9/7, 8/9, 13/12) – my favourite thing to write as, as has happened before, these orgasms involve cum jumping in a pleasant arc, my appreciation of the aesthetic necessitating a mention of this!
The Audacity of This Bitch
This marks post number 58 in 2021, which amounts to slightly more than one post per week (1.115, if my maths is right). I promise I’ve been making an effort, but I’ll do better next year!
I know I say that every year, but this year I will, mainly because I want Robyn to buy me cloudy lemonades. Join ILB again in 2023 for more sex, porn and seemingly random screaming into the sky. See you there.
I’ll buy you all the cloudy lemonades you want!