She: “How many people do we have now?”
Me: [glances at the list] “Five. I’ve marked them here as confirmed.”
She: “You marked them as confirmed when they gave me contact numbers. How are you marking them as confirmed now?”
Me: “I’ve written the word YES in big letters next to their name. Look.”

Saul - YES!
Mark - YES!
Dave - YES!
Tim - no answer
Jim - YES!

She: “That looks like an orgasm.”
Me: “It does, rather. [offhand] I’ll give you one later.”
She: “You’ll give me one? Or you’ll give me an orgasm?”
Me: “I mean… both?” [consults list] “Do you want me to call Adrian, or shall we try Tim again?”
She: “Adrian. He said he’ll come.”
Me: [resists the obvious joke]

Voice: [off] “I’m making sandwiches, do you want some?”
She: “Yes please! We’re coming!”
Me: [struggling to resist making the joke]
She: [rises] “We’ll try Adrian later. I want to go and eat.” [exits]
Me: [aside to audience] “Now I’ll go and eat sandwiches. Later I’ll eat her.”

[Laughter and applause from audience as I swan out of the room.]